None of us want to be lonely or become isolated, but unfortunately for people living with dementia this is an all too common side effect.
Many older people become lonely and socially isolated and often without outside help they cannot do too much about it, but for those living with dementia this is an even bigger issue. However, with good support networks, an effective plan and a desire to avoid loneliness it does not need to happen.
Causes of loneliness and isolation
Lack of face-to-face interaction
As families have become more dispersed and live ever further away from each other face-to-face contact can be more difficult. This is exasperated by the pace of modern day life which means families are balancing a myriad of different priorities.
Infrequent telephone contact
If regular visits are not possible the obvious answer is to make regular telephone calls, but even if you manage to make time to call Dad every night there is no guarantee that your good intentions will work out. Depending on where somebody is on their dementia journey this may not be the answer to all loneliness problems.
They may struggle to follow conversations on the phone, they may not recognise your voice or name, they may not remember how to use the technology or maybe they just don’t like to talk on the phone anymore.
Losing friends and neighbours
As people age often their community ages with them! This in many cases means that friends and neighbours move away to live with family, move into age specific housing or a care home or simply pass away. In other cases they still live nearby but they can’t get out like they used to.
In either case this creates an ever shrinking social circle and support network and an inevitable reduction in social engagement.
Losing confidence
Sometimes when somebody feels that they are not the person they used to be they lose the confidence to either try new things or even keep doing the things they have always done.
Normal daily activities like going to the shop, popping into the café/pub or just going to a friend’s house can feel very daunting.
Isolation from activities
Sometimes it is not losing confidence that prevents people from engaging in their favourite pass time; sometimes they simply can no longer do it! Either they have not retained the cognitive capacity to do the activity or they are physically unable to do so.
So what can we do?
Lack of face-to-face interaction
Families and friends can make a plan to ensure that they visit regularly and that those people the person living with dementia loves the most see them as often as possible. Creating a plan and talking about it with the rest of the family ensures busy schedules can take account of visiting Mum in advance and they don’t look back and realise “I have not seen her for 2 months…”
Depending on where they are on their dementia journey “FaceTime”, “Skype” or other video calling may really help maintain that face-to-face element when 200 miles of travelling lies between you. The more regularly you do this the more comfortable the older person will be with both the concept and the process.
Infrequent telephone contact
Again families working together to make sure that Mum or Dad doesn’t get forgotten may be the answer. Agreeing a certain time of the day or day of the week to call may help build a routine which may be more sustainable as their dementia journey progresses.
There are telephones specifically designed to be easy for people living with dementia to use. They may have bigger buttons or pre-programmed numbers with the picture of a loved one for easy use.
Again the key to prolonging the telephone as a means of staying in touch for as long as possible is to use it regularly so both the process and the concept continues to be easy for them to enjoy.
Losing friends and neighbours
There is not much that can be done to stop this but there are ways to mitigate it. As people age and can no longer do everything for themselves you could get a cleaner, housekeeper or companion to offer support. This non-care professional could start visiting long before a person develops formal care needs and can be used to take some of the strain away. They could also provide a vital human interaction at the same time and provide much needed socialisation.
In most communities there is a number of social clubs for older people and people living with dementia; sometimes these are council run and sometimes by other organisations like charities or care homes. In many cases these are really undersubscribed and if they were full then other organisations would jump at the chance to run their own. You might also consider moving Mum or Dad closer to you or looking at supported living options or even a residential care home.
Losing confidence
There may be little we can do to stop people losing confidence but we may be able to rebuild it or slow it down. Or maybe we can just get somebody to go with them for that walk or visit to the shops. There are also many technology solutions that might just help them retain their confidence for a bit longer and allow them to go out on their own. These solutions can range from carrying a simple mobile phone so they can call for help if they get in trouble to a GPS tracker.
Isolation from activities
If people can no longer do the things they used to do maybe they need to try something new that they be more able to enjoy. Instead of singing in a choir they may be able to visit during rehearsals and simply listen or sing along in the background. Instead of playing bowls they might be able to sit with a pint or cup of tea and cheer their old team on. Either way with a little bit of imagination if there is a will to resolve this issue you will find a way.
